How to Dress for the End of the World
Think last supper, but a whole a$$ look.
I’ve been thinking and um… the more I do that the more this topic comes back to visit my brain. I’m not saying the end is nigh, but current happenings plus the emergence of #goblinmode (from The Guardian: “Goblin mode is about a complete lack of aesthetic. Because why would a goblin care what they look like?”) does beg the question, what WOULD everyone wear for the end? Like, if you had one last chance to get dressed, what would you put on your body? I asked some friends/people with Very Good Taste™ what outfit they would choose if absolutely nothing mattered, not even your 401k or your airline status or your dumb Wordle score. Does the phrase “go out with a bang” have anything to do with THE bang? Either way, here’s how you dress to go out with a bang.
Rahily Sutton
“I think I've been waiting for an opportunity to wear just a massive ball gown... think Princess Amelia Thermopolis of Genovia in her red strapless moment greeting an elegant ballroom of royals. Why not take this as my chance, I mean literally THE last chance, to pull out all the stops on a dress that just simply takes up SPACE?
BUT...the dancing...realistically I won't be able to fully let loose in couture. I need a Lizzie Maguire ripping-off-the-skirt moment. So I would construct a ball gown with some hot pants underneath so when the time comes I can get my groove on.”
Recho Omondi
“I am so basic. If the world was ending my outfit would be vintage Levis, a white Rick Owens wife beater, wool socks and Birkenstocks. (and lots of gold jewelry!)
If we were dancing though, I'd change to a green Adidas Gazelle!”
Kelly Mittendorf
“Catch me in the Atonement dress in a bubble.”
Harling Ross
“I have a vintage dress I bought early on in the pandemic and have yet to wear. It's pretty short, black velvet with a big lace-trimmed collar. One of those things I'm so in love with that I feel like I need the perfect occasion to debut it, and I can't imagine a better one than the ultimate End of the World Party. I'd pair it with shoes like these (which I don't currently own but would very much like to) because I suspect there will be dancing and I want to be comfortable. Plus sparkly tights, and a classic trench coat like this. Oh, and I'd do my hair extra big. As fluffy as I can get it.”
Neridah Twist
“It’s probably a cliché at this point but I feel my best in an old Céline-esque outfit - so to go out with a bang that’s what I’m wearing. I recently stalked a lace cami from the 2016 Céline show. I love it. It’s completely sheer at the chest with white lace and it’s cut so perfectly. That, a well fitted suit pant (not too wide, not too narrow) and a subtle red lip would be my go-to outfit. I could also be happily buried in it which would save time- Maybe I would add a matching suit jacket for warmth. This Balenciaga suit is perfect. Last, but definitely not least. I’d wear some sort of small heeled sandals. I do love this flip-flop heeled sandal by The Row. If we could just have a bit of notice before the end, I'd save up appropriately.”
Lauren Daccache
Last, but certainly not least, is a story told through a series of outfit changes, inspired by the 5 Stages of Grief, titled, It’s The End of the World and I’m Going to a Party.
Act 1: Denial. What’s that? The world is ending? Ha ha what no it’s not this is just a party. Don’t speak to me, my crystal headpiece, or my tiny Mugler dress again. You’re ruining the vibe.
Outfit: Area Headpiece, Mugler Dress. I’m barefoot because I envision this party taking place in a field and no one is trying to walk through grass in heels.
Act 2: Anger. WHAT THE FUCK??????????????? THIS IS FUCKED UP. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING.
STOMPS ACROSS FIELD DRAMATICALLY WITH SULTRY DRESS FROM MY CANNES DEBUT BILLOWING BEHIND ME. In my blind rage, I reveal to the world that I am, in fact, Bella Hadid.
Act 3: Bargaining. In this dress, I am safe. In this dress, I will survive the apocalypse. In this dress, nothing (and no one) will touch me.
Act 4: Depression. No one does “sad glam” like Rick and the sleeves on this gown are perfect for dramatically weeping into my hands.
Also this collection had a lot of references to the Tower of Babel, a design by a Russian architect for a monument that was never built. Consider this outfit an homage to all the things I never did on this sad, expiring planet.
Also I’m still barefoot and this will cover my dirty feet from running around the field.
Act 5: The end is here, and I will leave this life the same way I entered it: in the nude.
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